Watership Down: “Friend and Enemy”

The episode starts with the rabbits enjoying the easy life, the concept not the earlier Watership Down episode. They’re munching on grass, laying around, and listening to Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta on a boom box while drinking 40s of Steel Reserve. Looks like Hazel and Bigwig can’t handle their booze and are passed out. Hawkbit is probably going to draw penises on them while Dandelion puts his balls in their mouths. Ever notice that pranks done on passed out people are really gay? The only exception I can think of is when a girl passes out at a frat party and they prank her with rape.

Things aren‘t all sunshine and roses on this hill however, Hawkbit hears an Efrafan patrol coming. It’s a good thing he was paying attention instead of just lazing about like everybody else. Rabbits tend to not laze about too much since everything in the world wants them dead. Shame on you Hazel and Bigwig, allowing your lazing to nearly get everybody murdered by street toughs.

The Efrafan patrol consisting of Campion, Vervain, and a bunch of nameless grunts pass by, but don’t notice the good guys because the good guys are all hiding about in some tall grass. Man, tall grass, that’s the last place I would think to look for rabbits. The Efrafans don’t risk going into the tall grass because they are completely out of Pokeballs.

Hey! Another meeting scene! We haven’t had one of these in awhile. The only thing I love more then meetings on TV are meetings in real life. This is because all the meetings I go to have free coffee and I think free coffee is the greatest thing ever. I even went to a meeting once where there were donuts. That was the shit.

The subject of today’s meeting is Woundwort and his plans to murder and pillage. The primary concern is that Woundwort’s long patrol is going to find Watership Down and implement the plants to murder and pillage. Bigwig suggests that they solve this problem by attacking Woundwort, apparently forgetting that he is the only rabbit present who is any good at fighting. Hazel comes up with the safer plan of leaving false clues to lead the Efrafans away from Watership Down.

During the course of setting false trails Fiver has an amusing encounter with a turtle.

The Downers again encounter the Efrafans, this time near a pond. They all hide and watch the Efrafan rabbits drink some water while Vervain and Campion bicker like an old married couple. At some point during this Fiver disturbs a bees nest. The bees buzz around, teasing the idea of stinging Fiver and exposing him, but then they just sort of leave. This incident doesn’t have any bearing on the plot. I don’t know why I even mentioned it. Really, Fiver doesn’t like anything in this entire episode. They should have just cut him and given Andrew Falvey the afternoon off.

Hazel proposes they follow the Efrafans because he thinks it would be ironic. The trail the Efrafans to a greenhouse that’s just in the middle of the woods for some reason. A hawk starts flying around so they all hide. Hawks like everything else in the world want rabbits dead.

Campion gets grabbed by the hawk but manages to kick it in the face about 30 times until it drops him. He falls about 20 feet, which is a lot for a rabbit, hits a tree, and still manages to not be dead somehow. That’s pretty amazing, Campion is the Bruce Willis of the rabbit world.

The Downers walk up to Campions knocked out body and marvel at the fact that he is still alive. They then decide to bring him into the green house to protect him from the hawk. Well, everybody but Hawkbit decides that. Hawkbit thinks they should let him die. Hawkbit makes a compelling argument about not helping those who are trying to destroy your people, but nobody listens. You know whose plan to kill an entire group of people would have been averted if he hadn‘t been shown mercy and dragged into the safety of a greenhouse? You may remember him, funny mustache, gave passionate speeches, attacked Russia, that’s right

Burt Reynolds .

The rabbits are very impressed by the contents of the greenhouse. Hawkbit basically orgasms over this one leaf he takes a bite out of. Considering this greenhouse is sitting in the middle of nowhere surrounded by a forest I’m going to guess that there is weed growing in at least part of it. Meanwhile Hazel is licking Campion. It would really be weird if he regained conciseness while being licked by his enemy. I’ve been on both sides of that situation and its always awkward.

Hazel has the other rabbits go home while he stays back to watch Campion. A couple of goof ball parrots show up and tell Hazel that the floor is a bad place to be at night. Where were they earlier? Who knows. Then a man comes by, pours what appears to be grain into a bowl, then leaves, shutting the door behind himself, trapping Hazel and Campion inside the greenhouse.

The parrots tell Hazel a snake lives in the greenhouse. They can’t just tell him like that. Instead they vaguely describe it, and refer to it as a slither thing. Animals on this show always refer to other animals through vague description. The rabbits for example get called long ears a lot. I realize this is because animals don’t know what we call other animals, so they wouldn’t use that term, but I find the vague physical description method of naming things annoying. Slither thing is just awkward to say and long ears sounds a lot like the name of my rabbit. His name is Longyear, although I don’t pronunciate clearly when I talk so when I tell people his name they assume I said Long ear and then I have to say it again, and then I go on to explain that Longyear is the last name of a historical figure from Upper Michigan and by this time they no longer care.

At the Down Primrose is curious as to why her husband isn’t back with the others. Wait, is that the correct term? I’m not sure if rabbits get married. I’ll refer to him as her baby daddy instead. Primrose is all like “Where be my baby daddy?” and they explain that he is with Campion. Primrose still has a soft spot for Campion because he saved her life. Bigwig reasons that because Hazel is saving Campions life it makes Primrose and Campion even. No it doesn’t. She has no part in Hazel saving Campions life. She still owes him, and he owes Hazel. This is going to get really confusing if they don’t make sure to keep it sorted out. They should have a sticky note up somewhere which states who owes a life debt to whom.

The birds tell Hazel he should fly up to where the snake can’t get him. Hazel says he can’t fly. So the bird implies Hazel’s ears are large. Hazel tells the bird to eat a dick.

Campion wakes up and gets the low down on how he was attacked, his troops fled without him, and Hazel decided to save him for some reason. I don’t think Hazel even knows why, when Campion asks him for an explanation he doesn‘t really give one. They agree to a truce until they get this whole slither thing figured out. I bet they wish instead of a slither thing it was a Seether thing. Then they would just have to worry about crappy music.

Campion still has feelings for Primrose and Hazel is banging her so the two of them hanging out together is kind of awkward. Reminds me of my college days, me pining for girls and other guys banging them. Then Hazel and Campion start to argue about politics. This also reminds me about my college days. I hung out with people majoring in things like political science and journalism, so I didn’t play a lot of beer pong but we did get drunk and argue about Che Guerro. Also this one Argentinean guy would swing a knife around while yelling the virtues of socialism. That’s kind of like what’s going on in this scene but with rabbits.

Elsewhere Fiver has a vision of the snake, and says “nothing like that can‘t be real, it can‘t.” I hate to spoil the tension, but I think they have snakes in England. Also why did he say “nothing” instead of “something.” Something would be better grammar.

The slythering attacks and since Harry Potter isn’t anywhere nearby Hazel and Campion run away. They get away pretty easily. Hazel runs full speed into a glass wall, causing me to laugh and call him a dumbass.

The parrots are impressed that Hazel and Campion managed to not die. They say they are pretty smart for furry things. You ask me these birds are pretty cocky for an animal without nipples. Hazel and Campion get the birds to tell them about an exit. The birds flew out of a hole in the green house but returned due to Britain being too cold for their tropical blood. The owner of the greenhouse then repaired the broken piece of glass with a sack. I’m not sure how good that would work for insulation. The snake comes by but Hazel leads him away from Campion.

After his vision Fiver convinced the others to try to save Hazel, so they are there to help get the sack out of the hole. Campion won’t leave without Hazel, you see, Campion has strong loyalty and morals, a start contrast to the normal rabbit of Efrafa. This is why Hazel saved him, he wants to Campion to betray Efrafa and join Watership Down, giving that group an experienced warrior who knows the inner workings of their enemy. Unfortunately people with strong loyalty and morals don’t usually betray their leader. Bummer.

Hazel comes tearing towards the exit screaming, “Get out, get out, then get out of my way so I can get out aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.”

They get out and the snake refuses to follow. Its too cold for him. It might be fine for the bunnies, but to the snake England weather is like that scene from The Day After Tomarrow where it is getting really cold and the people are running from the coldness and everything behind them is freezing and they get to that room in the library and close the door and everything is okay because the cold can’t go through the door. God that movie was retarded.

Vervain and his patrol are rounding the side of the greenhouse. Campion allows the Downers to escape as thanks for saving his life a couple of times in the last 12 hours.

The episode ends with the parrots wondering what life is like outside of the greenhouse. They think it is cold and boring. They’re wrong. That might describe my life, but not Hazel’s. He has a lot of excitement due to all his friend and enemy.

Thank U Star’s Rating and My Rebuttal

Rating (6 Out of 6) – Good

A great episode, which does a brilliant job of starting the process of building up the Campion/Hazel alliance. That’s going to become hugely important in the second series.

I think Thank U Stars gets too generous for some of these episodes. Of course on the other hand I get too hung up on stupid things that happen. Like the greenhouse. Thank U Stars points out it is dumb, and then moves on to talking about important things like character development and how the episode sets up future storylines. Meanwhile I keep focusing on the damn greenhouse. Who puts up a greenhouse in the middle of the woods? Like, you can have a greenhouse anywhere, what motivation is there to not put it next to your house? Come to think of it, why is there a snake and parrots in the greenhouse? Like, I think the snake is for security, but wouldn’t closing the door be a better security measure? The only reason the rabbits can get in is because the door is wide open, closing the door eliminates the threat to the greenhouse owner’s tropical plants. Also why would he fix the hole with a sack? A sack won’t work. If your going to go through the trouble and expense of building a greenhouse in the middle of the forest then why wouldn’t you spend the money to properly fix a hole in the greenhouse. The sack will not provide insulation, it will only allow cold air in to kill your plants and allow your snakes dinner to escape. And what up with the parrots? They don’t even provide security like the snake does. Keep the parrots in your house buddy, parrots require a large amount of socializing and even with two it would be better if they could interact with you and your family.

I’m like all off subject here, I’m just ending the review, no final grade.