Watership Down: “Lost”

I haven’t mentioned it but these DVDs have ten minutes of inescapable previews. I meant to type unskippable but the computer changed it. Inescapable is more appropriate anyways. I only paid 60 bucks for this box set, why should I expect them to simply take my money and be happy. No, they better try their hardest to convince me to buy Postman Pat or whatever other crappy British claymation show they have the rights to. British claymation shows always have the most unappealing concepts. One is about a tractor. That’s it. Not a magic tractor who solves mysteries, just a dude and his farm equipment. All of these shows have a creative process that consists of taking a noun and adding a name to it. The latest kid’s show from the BBC is Ice Cream Man Steve, followed by the ever popular, Telephone Technician Hal.

I was going to take a screenshot to accompany that paragraph but the dvd won’t let me pause during the previews. What kind of madness is that? I understand them not wanting me to skip them, but they won’t let me look at the preview for longer then is required? Certainly this is the work of a deviant mind.

First off, I need to apologize for being deceptive. I actually skipped this episode once. I wanted to do a Watership Down review but couldn’t find this dvd so I did the episode Friend or Foe instead which is the first episode on the next dvd. I was actually pumped because the other two episodes on that dvd, Kidnapped and Prisoner of Efrafa are two of the high points of the series, so I was excited to get to them. But then I found my missing disc and I am fighting the temptation to skip the episode anyways because it is sort of plot relevant. Plus having a lost episode named Lost would have been way to coincidental for my tastes.

The episode begins with Hawkbit noticing that there is a loud wind in the warren. Sounds like the beginning of Holy Diver. Then the tunnel starts shaking while the ground explodes with white light below him. Gotta say, I did not see that coming.

Outside of the warren the rabbits are playing bobstones. Hawkbit comes out and he is looking pretty hagrid, you know tall, living in a shed, works at a wizard school. No, wait, let me check here, haggard, haggard is what I meant. Okay then, let us move on.

Hawkbit is looking ashen, considering hell just erupted beneath his feet I say he’s taking it in stride. The other rabbits want to know what is up, he just had a near death experience, but he says he is fine. When somebody says there fine they are always telling the truth. There is no need to pursue the matter, never. Everybody go with Bigwig on the long patrol, Hawkbit is fine.

Actually he isn’t . Hazel knows this because he took a psychology course at junior college. He gets Hawkbit to confess that there is something and they go along to see what it is. Fiver goes to, but its pretty obvious he doesn’t care. He just wants to skip out on the long patrol. If the alternative was anything but a long patrol he would totally ditch Hazel and Hawkbit, but long patrols suck so he is going to see what the mystery is. Also they are called wide patrols not long patrols. I’ve just been putting long patrols as a way to reference the Red Wall series. I’ll stop that now.

Hawkbit leads the rabbits to a section of the warren they aren’t suppose to go into due to a danger of a cave in. The danger is pretty evident since apparently this cavern is right above the Arc of the Covenant and some mother fucker professor just opened that shit.

The ground starts collapsing some more and the buns all fall in. Fiver almost got away but then it would appear that he was sucked into the hole. I’m going to tell you right not there is no supernatural reason for this hole to be there. Its just a hole that leaves to a vast underworld. I don’t know why he was sucked in. Nobody moved the wrong Necronomican or fell asleep while Freddy Kruegur was on the prowl so nobody should be getting sucked into any holes.

Hazel, Fiver and Hawkbit awaken to find they are in a vast cavern beneath Watership Down with no way out. They way they came in is blocked by rubble, and also these caverns are huge. I always thought the hill in Watership Down was made out of dirt or something, but apparently the warren was build above Moria.

That’s a Lord of the Rings reference FYI

Hazel’s plan is to stay put and wait for somebody to find them. In the underground cavern beneath the abandoned burrow that nobody knew they were going to.

Jesus Christ Hazel, why are you the leader again? You have literally no good ideas and have never made a good decision.

Bigwig notices that Hazel isn’t around when he decides Hazel should set up a bobstone challenge. I’m not sure what there is to set up. Bobstones consists of a rabbit having either one, or two, stones under his paw and the other rabbit guessing how many stones are hidden. There is literally nothing to set up. Still, everybody is concerned about the disappearance of the equipment manager.

Bigwig calms the nervous rabbits by saying that Hazel, Fiver, and Hawkbit are not missing. Merely absent. There is a world of difference. Dandelion and Pipkin have it in their heads that the Black Rabbit of Inle has come and killed them, just like he did to Mr. Eko

While waiting for rescue Fiver begins to worry that the weasel is down there with them. The weasel appeared like two episodes ago and was murdered at the end by Bigwig. There no reason to even think he would be down there unless time travel is involved but that won’t start happening for a few more seasons.

Eventually Hazel determines that fresh air is coming into the cave and they should leave. Then he acts like this brilliant move is all his idea despite Fiver and Hawkbit having spent the last six scenes trying to convince him that while usually waiting for a rescue is a good idea it isn’t when you have fallen down a hole into a cavern nobody knows about while exploring an abandoned area nobody knew you were going to.

The Others are doing what they do best. Wandering aimlessly hoping to find Watership Down. Keehar flies by and Vervain thinks it would be a good idea to follow the him and see if he leads them to their enemies. Campion doesn’t think Keehar would be dumb enough to let that happen. Then we cut to Keehar who says straight into the camera that he got lost, and is as dumb as a vole. I think Campion gives Keehar too much credit.

Keehar reports that he saw the Others hiding and Bigwig thinks they may have hid because they captured the missing rabbits so he goes charging to intercept the patrol before it can deliver the prisoners. Of course now everybody is going to assume he has disappeared, or be happy he is gone and start a party.

While exploring the cave Fiver has a vision, “A black space below swallow any who go” I’m going to take a wild guess and assume he is predicting a hole. It would have been amusing if his vision was more direct and he said “Hey yo, there’s a hole.” I have to wonder, where was his precognition a few hours ago when he fell down the first hole. Must have been on the fritz.

Hawkbit starts flipping his shit and almost throws Fiver down the hole. I would say he is claustrophobic but he lives in a hole. I’m chalking this up to Hawkbit being a pussy. Oh boo hoo, you fell down a hole and are stuck in a cave, too bad you live in a hole. Shut up and stop all the panicking.

Meanwhile John Locke is certain that the missing rabbits and the mysterious hatch are somehow related.

Bigwig shows why he is awesome. To determined if Hazel and the others have been captured he goes to that broken bridge Efrafa always has guards at, kicks the asses of the two guards, until they tell him they haven‘t kidnapped anybody recently. Obviously these two unimportant guards wouldn’t know about any prisoners who had been captured earlier that day. Assuming the patrol had been able to return before Bigwig got to the bridge there is little reason why a messenger would have been dispatched to tell these two guards about the prisoners. Bigwig just likes beating people up.

Hawkbit has been running in blind fear for the last several scenes. Somehow he has gotten into a cave filled with reflective crystals. Do they have these in England? Do they have these anywhere outside of Fantasia? (Never Ending Story for those keeping track)

Fiver talks Hawkbit out of being scared. I’m not sure how, my speakers wigged out at that moment and I didn’t hear it.

Even though the cave in earlier blocked the hole it is still their. Don’t ask why. I’m still wondering why there is a light and wind coming out of the hole.

The light coming from the hole makes shadows on the walls that Pipkin and Dandilion assume are the black rabbit of Inle so they run away. They might look stupid, but who would expect light to be coming from underground anyways? It threw them off their game it did.

With Hawkbit back to being sane the bunnies are able to continue their journey during which they encounter an underground waterfall. Hawkbit and Fiver have come to the conclusion that god wouldn’t want them to see such a place of beauty and not live to tell anybody about it. Too bad I’ve seen the Why do people laugh at creationists?” videos on Youtube so I know there is no god. The rabbits are going to die

Actually Hazel smells plants that can’t grow in caves so they know they are going to get out soon. Well, they’re still going to die… eventually.

Hazel fears that the river might lead out into a waterfall, or possibly into some sort of haunted swamp, so he wants to go first to make sure it is safe. Hawkbit however volunteers to goes first instead because he is more expendable and has been pretty suicidal this entire episode. He suffers from extreme clinical depression and bipolar. Its too bad rabbits never evolved the ability to manufacture drugs because then he would get the help he desperately needs.

Blackberry is brought in to inspect that crazy fuck hole. She figures out that the black rabbit is really just a shadow. This is because she isn’t retarded. She starts digging a passage down to the caverns below.

While returning from beating up the bridge guards Bigwig ran into a polar bear which he is currently running from. Luckily the exit of the cave Hawkbit is in is right next to where Bigwig is running so its all cool. Bigwig hides in the hole and all is well.

Bigwig wants to know how the rabbits ended up in a hidden cavern in the middle of Efrafa’s sphere of influence. Hawkbit’s answer is “We just had to believe hard enough.” I’m not even going to pretend that makes any sense.

That night they all return to the down, only to find it seemingly empty. As it turns out everybody is down in the hole trying to rescue them. Oh the irony, the rabbits who were lost down the hole are now out of the hole while the other rabbits are down in the hole. Well, not really irony, more like buttfuckery.

To celebrate the addition of the most bad ass basement a person could hope for the main characters all hang out in the cavern and play bobstones. It makes sense, I know iffound a cave under my house the first thing I would do after escaping from it would be throwing a party. For once the bunnies have an advantage over me, it would be pretty difficult to get Guitar Hero to work in a cave.

I was trying to come up with a final joke to go out on but I’m totally at a lost, so I’m just ending.

Thank U Star’s Rating and My Rebuttal

Well, I didn’t think this episode was too bad. It was nothing special as, for a standalone episode, it featured one of those plots where nothing much seems to happen. It does, however, serve the function of setting up an important aspect for the rest of the series; Namely the Cavern tunnel to Efrafa. I said it wasn’t bad, but then again I’m always going to be biased towards any episode where Hawkbit takes a lead, and where we get to see the Efrafans again.Hawkbit’s role in the episode is well played out, finally developing another side to his character. From most of the series, we’re used to seeing him as a sarcastic and quite uncaring character, such as the way he treats Fiver in episode 9. This time, we see him in a completely different light, fearing being trapped in the caverns forever and letting insane paranoia get the better of him. It shows us that, despite the confident impression he makes towards others, he’s really just as weak and helpless as any other rabbit. It also has me wondering, Could all his nastiness be purely a result of his own insecurity? Who knows!

As for the Efrafans… well I still have mixed feelings over this one. We get to see those two ancient looking guards that first appeared in episode 8 again. I’ve always maintained they look too old to be in the Efrafan Oswla. Still, they always give me a laugh, as they just look so…. well old! Cue the usual super-strength Bigwig to knock them to the ground of course. Luckily we do get to see the not-quite-so-old Vervain and Campion again, so that makes everything alright (I think!).

As for negative things, there were two major aspects that bothered me this week. Firstly, there’s quite a big continuity error again. Whilst underground, Fiver talks of his fear due to the fact that they locked the Weasel underground in the caverns some months back. It’s nice to see they remembered that bit, but they seem to have forgotten that they saw the Weasel out and about only 2 episodes earlier! In fact, he was out for revenge in episode 9 due to them locking him underground. Do the writers not talk to one another?

The second thing which bothers me is the mysterious lack of characters. As Hawkbit, Fiver and Hazel have gone missing, you’d expect to see everyone in the warren looking for them. Instead we only see Bigwig, Dandelion, Primrose, Pipkin and Blackberry. Where’s Blackavar? Where’s Captain Broom? Where’s Strawberry? Where’s Holly? Where are those kittens? (Please say dead… oops did I say that out loud!). Even in the closing scene, where the entire warren is down in the new ‘back burrows’, we still dont see them. Have they all been abducted by aliens or something? Still, I suppose that’s about the only thing which really catches my eye in an otherwise fine episode.


5 out of 6 – Good

While I respect Thank U Star’s complete lack for reviewer integrity by blatantly scoring a bad episode high simply because it stars a character he likes I must commend him for scoring it this high. Even if you want have Hawkbit’s scrawny babies it doesn’t change the fact that the episode is boring. Nothing fucking happens and it doesn’t happen for a long time

2 out of 5.

In other news Thank U Stars’ site is turning 8 in August and his fan fiction series is finishing up after five years of work. I would like to take this time to congratulate him on both accomplishments. You truly are the king of kings.