Boycott the Caf name: That one that’s actually something that happened in the book
Last week on Watership Down:
Hazel directly challenged Woundwort to a battle to the finish and promised to come save Primrose and others being held in Efrafa.
This week on Watership Down:
An episode where none of that happens.
The episode starts in the early morning, we know its early in the morning because a rooster caws, also Hazel upon exiting the warren, enthusiastically scratches himself, something I do every morning.
It’s so early that Hannah is the only other person awake, so Hazel sort of has to talk to her. He can’t pawn her off on Hawkbit or ditch her by saying he has to talk to Bigwig over some very important rabbit exclusive news items.
Hazel asks Hannah if she thinks about the future. Hannah doesn’t. She’s a mouse so her life expectancy doesn’t really allow for thinking about the future. Hazel says he’s thinking about next winter, yadda yadda yadda, long story short he’s horny and wants a hand full of Primrose to rub up against. He also recognizes that they need some other ladies for the rest of the guys to get nasty with or else they won’t have any kids and Watership Down will die out after one generation. Theoretically they could have sex with Blackberry but she is a lesbian.
Hannah tells Hazel that some rabbits live in a hutch at a nearby farm. She does this while pretending to be a model on The Price is Right.
Hazel asks Fiver if he is awake. Fiver has to be awake to answer this question. Hazel tells Fiver to get up and Fiver tells Hazel to fuck off, so Hazel starts slamming his head into Fiver’s ass. That’s one way to make somebody get out of bed. On their way out of the burrow they literally bump into Pipkin who Hazel invites along because what Pipkin lacks in competency he more then makes up for in adorability.
On the way to the farm Kehaar nearly crashes into, and kills, all of them. Keehar blames the grass and shouts curses at it. That’s out Keehar!
Hazel tells Keehar they are going to the farm to get some more rabbits. Keehar then makes fun of Hazel for being horny. Fiver reacts as if this is the first he has heard of going to the farm. You would think that Hazel could have explained a little bit of the plan while they were hopping towards the farm but I guess he didn’t. Fiver didn’t question Hazel either. Fiver’s just happy that he gets to be a main character so he doesn’t ever question what they’re doing or why they are doing it. He’s just along for the ride.
Fiver thinks going to the farm might be dangerous. Pipkin reminds Hazel that there is a cat. Hazel then reminds Pipkin that there is a dog. Pipkin had forgotten about the dog. This makes him crouch in fear and is just so plum adorable that I go “awww” and make it my wallpaper.
Hazel tells Pipkin that he will be the lookout, and it is “a most important job.” This makes Pipkin happy and willing to continue on the suicide mission. Fiver doesn’t say anything but I assume he is wondering why Hazel chose to bring Pipkin rather then Bigwig. Hell, they don’t even bring Keehar with them. You have to bring at least one person who can do something useful Hazel and Keehar was right there, you didn‘t even have to go looking for him. How hard would it have been to invite him along? Hazel obviously is tired of living without Primrose but doesn’t think he can actually save her so he’s just going kill himself. He brought along Fiver so if Fiver ends up dead they can easily meet up in Vhalla. He took along Pipkin just in case they need to sacrifice a virgin to avoid going to hell.
At the farm Fiver starts having one of his fits, yelling that the Black Rabbit is close and is going to send them to the cornfield. Hazel downplays the vision and tells Fiver to stop scaring Pipkin. Yeah, alright, go ahead and ignore the vision Hazel. It’s not like these things ALWAYS come true or anything. Jesus Christ, fucking rabbits. No common sense.
Kehaar lands at Watership Down and asks if everybody is wondering where Hazel is. Hawkbit straight says they aren’t. I guess they weren’t concerned when they woke up and their leader was missing. Also Keehar has grass in his mouth for reasons I am sure only make sense to Keehar. Keehar says Hazel will be bringing back new rabbits from the farm. He doesn’t say it like that though. His method involves screaming and confusion. The rabbits seem to get the gist of what Keehar is saying not that they seems to care. Mostly it seems they just hope the raid on the farm gets Hazel’s mind off of Primrose. I assume he’s been talking about her a lot and its gotten very annoying.
Hazel, Fiver and Pipkin sneak through the yard to the barn. Fiver smells a cat but Hazel is hoping it is old. Hazel and Fiver leave Pipkin to guard the door while they go talk to the rabbits inside. I would have left Fiver to guard the door and taken Pipkin inside. Fiver is weird and creepy. The hutch rabbits are far more likely to want to go with Hazel if Pipkin is with him being cute and not saying they are all going to die.
Fiver says he doesn’t like the farm since it is full of people who want to murder rabbits. Then he says he wishes the old Hazel was back. This comment confuses the apparently new Hazel so he asks for clarification. Fiver says that Hazel has been mooning over Primrose and now he’s running around without regard to safety. Hazel says the old Hazel couldn’t free Primrose so maybe they need a new Hazel. A better Hazel. A Hazel who takes life by the balls and twists. A Hazel who runs on diesel and has laser eyes. Let’s see Woundwort stop ten horsepowers of laser eye shooting Hazel. I bet he can’t because a laser will kill a rabbit like that!
New Hazel is so handy that he can’t even get up to the rabbit hutch without using Fiver as a step. Hazel is a lame rabbit. Like I’ve mentioned before, I own rabbits and I can tell you my rabbits could easily jump that high. One time I was lying on my bed and my rabbit jumped from the floor five feet away and landed on my face. That rabbit is a jerk but demonstrates that the average rabbit jumping ability is more then enough to get up that pile of hay.
The rabbits in the hutch all think Hazel is too skinny and are confused as to why he doesn’t live in a cage. They also don’t really want to leave their cage. Hazel doesn’t care and is going to free these POWs whether they like it or not.
Hazel is able to get the door off the cage. I don’t want to take credit away from Hazel, but that cage wasn‘t very well built. It should take at least more then four seconds to destroy a cage. I guess the farmer wasn’t expecting wild rabbits to attempt to free his domesticated ones. The hutch rabbits are confused and don’t know where they are going since Hazel never explained that he is taking them to where he lives. He just told them he was freeing them and knocked off the door. Maybe if he explained that there was a wonderful home with rabbits other then him and Fiver they would want to come along.
Outside, the cat nearly kills Pipkin. Luckily Fiver pulled Pipkin out of the way in the nick of time. The cat falls in a puddle. The only way that pussy could get any wetter is if an attractive man walked by! I am sorry, that joke was very vulgar.
The cat chases the rabbits into the barn. Hazel tells Pipkin and Fiver to guide the one hutch rabbit that’s actually exited the hutch to the hedge while he fends off the cat. He then gives the cat a good head kicking. Nothing shows a cat whose boss like a good head kicking. You don‘t believe me? Go ask my neighbor‘s cat, oh wait, you can‘t because I kicked it in the head.
Pipkin wants to save the rest of the rabbits but Fiver says they don’t need more cat food running around and leaves them to die. That’s pretty harsh. Fiver and Pipkin guide Clover, that’s the rabbit they saved to a hedge where they hide out and wait for hazel. Clover suggests they leave Hazel behind and calls him bossy. Clover is sort of a bitch. Hazel is being bossy, but still.
At the down Blackberry is bossing people around. She wants Hawkbit to gather grass so that the new rabbits think they can provide good bedding. Bigwig thinks this is bullshit and refuses to help. Good for him. Blackberry shouldn’t be bossing people around. At least not as long as Bigwig is around anyway. We all know the chain of command goes Hazel, Bigwig, Fiver, Captain Holly then Blackberry.
Keehar goes off on a tangent about his girl Natasha whom he use to bone hardcore every night. Later in the series Keehar meets up with his old flame, but her name is Katrina. A normal person who watches Watership Down will not notice a continuity error. Crazy Thank U Stars guy does, and he hates it. It tears him apart. He can’t sleep at night. He stays up cursing the foolish writers who dare defile what he sees as a television classic with errors. He then pops on the Watership Down Animated Series Soundtrack and masturbates until he falls asleep.
Back to things that are true; Dandelion has doubts that Hazel is even bringing back rabbits. That is understandable, I wouldn’t believe anything Keehar told me either. Blackberry asks Keehar to repeat Hazel’s message but Keehar has broken down sobbing. Bigwig tells Keehar that monogamy is for suckers and he needs to get over his long lost lover. The best way to do that would be to go look for Hazel. Bigwig isn’t concerned for Hazel as much as everybody wants Keehar to leave so they can all get some R&R without Keehar being loud and killing their groove.
The cat and Hazel are in the middle of a deadly game of cat and Hazel. Hazel makes a break for the door and it looks like he will get away. Then the farmer comes out of the house with a gun. Actually he doesn’t really come out of the house as much as he shoots from the doorway. Like I mentioned in the Rinkin aricle, English people need to not shoot harmless wildlife so much. An American sees a rabbit or fox and we are amused; English person sees one, the must kill instinct is triggered.
Fiver, Pipkin and Clover hear the gun shot. Pipkin asks if Hazel is dead. Fiver shakes and says no because apparently he can do that now. Sure Fiver hasn’t been able to control his visions much less tell if somebody has been killed in the past but I guess he’ll just be getting powers as we go along now.
Hazel has been hit by the hunter but manages to limps off. I don’t think the farmer is even following. English people don’t even kill for the food. They simply have unquenchable bloodlust. Hazel ends up hiding in a storm drain.
Fiver sends Pipkin and Clover back to Watership Down, so that he can look for Hazel without any dead weight slowing him down. Clover apologizes for not being good at being outside but wants to learn. If this was real life she would get eaten by a weasel within a day of being free, but this is a cartoon so she lives on. Well, lives on about as well as a background character who never speaks because her voice actor isn’t a regular part of the cast can live on. She hangs out on the side of the hill that Hazel and the others don’t go to very often. It’s not bad, Strawberry and Captain Holly are over there. They have a book club that meets every Wednesday
Keehar meets up with Fiver. Keehar notices the farmer is packing heat and informs Fiver that getting shot with a gun is bad. You can’t argue with that statement. Getting shot is not a good thing. Fiver is being negative, saying he has no idea how they will find Hazel. Keehar tells Fiver to use his magic voodoo to find Hazel. Fiver says he can’t make his vision come but Keehar yells at him until he can. Once again Watership Down proves that you can make anybody overcome their limitations by screaming at him.
Fiver is able to use his powers to hear Hazel calling for help. Somehow hearing Hazel makes him know where Hazel is. If this was Watership Down the movie we would be forced to listen to an Art Garfunkle song right now. Thank lord this isn’t the movie.
Keehar looks for Hazel in a tin can. Sill seagull, Hazel is a rabbit. A rabbit can’t fit in a tin can.
When Fiver used his powers it sounded like Hazel was inside of something so Fiver and Keehar are able to narrow down their search to not outside. We get to experience a brief montage of the two of them looking in logs. It’s pretty sweet. As far as log montages go this one is in my top fifteen.
Fiver sees the storm drain and knows Hazel is in there. “Live in there or dead in there?” Keehar asks. Fiver says “I don’t know,” Bullshit you don’t know. Your magic powers give you the ability to know. You just did it five minutes ago.
Hazel is alive. I did not see that one coming. Hazel and Fiver have a conversation about being there for each other that makes them look like lovers. Meanwhile Keehar pulled the bullet out of Hazel’s leg. Evidently gun wounds are only deadly as long as the bullet is in you because Hazel is hopping about in the next scene with no ill effects. Hazel is disappointed that they only got one rabbit, but Fiver reassures him saying “one is better then none,” and then telling Hazel they can always double team her.
After hearing about the days events, Bigwig and Hawkbit are annoyed that they didn’t get to go. Rightfully so, they are way more useful then Pipkin. Maybe if they had come nobody would have gotten shot by a farmer. Clover says its okay that they didn’t bring along the other hutch rabbits because they like the hutch. Also they’re a bunch of assholes. Hazel is ready to go to bed, but first he has to wax for Primrose a little bit. Looks like the dangerous mission didn’t get his mind off of the love of his life. Keehar consoles Hazel with Nazarath lyrics, saying that love hurts. Hazel wants to help those in Efrafa. He wants to come to Ther aid.
Thank U Star’s Rating and My Rebuttal
After the brilliant episode 5, this one is a bit of a let down. This is the first time the producers use the technique of ‘start a storyline, have a completely unrelated episode in the middle, then continue the story’. It becomes commonplace later on.
There also seems to be real timing issues, in that Kehaar tell’s Hazel to ‘rest his wounded leg for a while’ so it can heal… by the evening, he’s already walking fine, with barely a scratch on him. Also, there’s another little thing which does keep niggling at me. Kehaar goes on about how his bird Natasha went missing one day, and never came back. He also says she’s ‘The only bird for Kehaar’. Now, in series 2, he actually goes on about how he misses his bird Katrinia, to the extent they go to the Big Water see her. I would hope I’ve just missed an important bit in an inbetween episode here, otherwise this is quite a big mistake
3 (Out of 6) – Average
This episode recieves the lowest score of the series so far. Dont get me wrong, it was still good, but the sudden change from the Efrafan storyline, coupled with the Natasha/Katrinia thing keeps the score down. Perhaps if I find I’ve missed the logical explanation for Kehaar’s different names later on, I might give it an extra star.
I told you he was mad about Keehar’s mistress’s name. He knock an entire star off the episode for it. Sure it’s a dumb mistake, but who pays close enough attention to Keehar to notice it?
Thank U Stars make a good point with the Hazel thing. It doesn’t make sense. He gets shot but then is fine within minutes. How about knocking the score down for that! I think I will. Oh yeah, I’m knocking points every time I think about Hazel not being hurt. He didn’t even fucking limp. Jesus, you lazy bastards could have at least had him limp! You guys lost sooo many points.
Rating: 2 out of 6