So there’s a weasel harassing some geese and the geese get to be too intense for the weasel and he’s all “Fuck this shit I gots me places to be!” and that’s the end of that scene snootches.
At the down Primrose is stoic. Look how stoic she is. Primrose wonders what happened to her home warren of Redstone. I guess she was born there, not Efrafa. It could be her desire to leave Efrafa was because she was forced to move there and it seemed unnatural due to her background. We could ask Blackavar if he wanted to leave Efrafa due to similar reasons but his character isn’t voiced by a regular voice actor so that means he no longer has any spoken lines.
Primrose tells Hazel that she wants to go back to Redstone to check up on her old homies.
Hazel agrees to bring her there because he is whipped bad. Fiver has a vision saying that Redstone is dead and lives only in Primrose’s head. You know, when he goes into vision mode Fiver kind of becomes a rapper. His next vision is going to be about how murder was the case that they gave him. Then he’s having a vision about gin and juice.
Primrose won’t believe Fiver’s “gangsta jams” and calls him a “homo” which makes Fiver regrets sharing his mad rhymes. Hazel is a country fan so he still has hope that Redstone is still alive. He says rap is crap and then takes Primrose on a suicide mission to find Redstone, leaving Bigwig in charge of the Watership Down.
Bigwigs first act as prime minister is to take a nap. He isn’t wearing pants but if he was his hand would be down the front Al Bundy style. Blackberry comes out of the burrow complaining about the lack of fresh bedding. Bigwig tells her to chill out and enjoy a nice blunt, and by blunt I mean sit in the sun.
Fiver has a vision, during which he moans a lot. It sounds like me having an orgasm. Its about a killer coming for revenge. Look out bunnies you somehow ended up in Halloween 5. Michael Myers is back!
Actually the killer is the weasel from the second episode. I never did a proper review of the second episode but if I did you would know all about him.
Speaking of the weasel, he tries to kill a squirrel but fails. This weasel is the worst predator ever
In the A-plot Hazel and Primrose have come across a river that they can‘t figure out how to cross. Hazel is all like “Hey about instead of finding a way across this here river we just go home” but Primrose won’t have any of that. She wants to see wants going on in her home warren. Primrose says she will find a way home with or without Hazel. Much to Thank U Stars dismay Hazel doesn’t abandon Primrose right there and then.
Bigwig is a good leader. Knowing that the weasel is back he sends Keehar off to survey the area, Pipkin off to warn other prey species and has the rest of the rabbits secure the warren. Hawkbit collapses from exhaustion so Bigwig yells at him until he is able to work again.
Hawkbit is angry that he got yelled and he isn’t tough enough to yell at the person who yelled at him so he yells at somebody else. Hawkbit blames Fiver‘s ability to tell the future, calling him a curse on the warren. Sure predicting the future saved all their lives, but it is inconveniencing Hawkbit at the moment, so that makes it bad.
Hazel and Primrose have to hide from a horse pulling a boat. It seems to me that one of the advantages of owning a boat is that you don’t need to own a horse. If you own the horse then just ride it, no need for the boat. The horse can go places the boat can’t, like the desert.
The rabbits play Frogger on the boat using it as a stepping stone. Primrose is a girl and this episode is in dire need of drama so her jump is short and she falls in the river.
The bank of the river is too high for Primrose to climb and made out of bricks or something. Have you ever tried to climb a brick wall while downing and without thumbs? That’s impossible. You can’t do it man. Its impossible.
Hazel shouts encouraging things at Primrose to keep her swimming.
We cut to Keehar flying around the weasel yelling things at him. Once again I must muse at how funny it would be for a human to observe something that happens in the show. Imagine you’re hiking in the woods and you come upon a weasel that is being circled by a sea gull. You’d be so taken aback that you would throw the bottle of cheap liquor you’ve been drinking into the brush where it would sit for a few months before being discovered by elementary school children who would precede to get blasted which would result in them getting kicked out of their church group.
Hey its Blackavar! Is he going to say anything? No he isn’t. They couldn’t afford to bring his voice actor in for one line. He will continue to have a stupid hair cut.
Dandelion proves to be a dandy indeed by complaining that he is tired so Bigwig goes all Red Forman threatening to put his foot up Dandelion’s ass before calling him a dumbass.
Pipkin reports that he has warned all the other animals of the weasel’s presence. A couple of hedgehogs want to hide out in the warren and Bigwig is all for it. Then Captain Holly and that one rabbit from the hutch come by. It’s a minor character bonanza! All the minor characters are coming, Strawberry, Captain Holly, people’s whose name I’ve forgotten, Mr. Turner, everybody who has disappeared. They’ve all come out because Bigwig is large and in charge.
Well, I’m tired of that plot lets see what’s going on down by the river. Primrose is still floating downstream. Hazel is struggling for encouraging things to say and is talking about how he wants to be with Primrose forever and make a ton of babies with her. Hazel, this isn’t the time to tell Primrose you want to have a lot of sex with her. Very inappropriate.
Primrose starts to go under so Hazel jumps in to keep her afloat. They end up floating out of the canal and wash up on the shore. Hey, they got to the other side. Mission accomplished.
Fiver is sitting under some rocks and refusing to come out because of what Hawkbit said earlier. The one time anybody ever listens to Hawkbit results in the most useful rabbit in Watership Down running away. That’s what happens when you listen to Hawkbit.
Fiver seems to think his visions are causing bad things to happen. Bigwig tries to coax him out by being sensitive and caring, which is creepy. Its like if a serial killer talked to you quietly before eviscerating you. Bigwig is more effective when he screams at you until you do what he wants, like Billie Mayes.
Keehar flies by and lets Bigwig know the weasel is within the security perimeter and defensive action needs to be taken. Bigwig goes back to Watership Down to man the control room leaving Keehar to watch Fiver. Keehar doesn’t question why Fiver is out here, he just rolls with it.
Hazel and Primrose wake up well after dark. They’ve been lying unconscious on that beach for a long time. Hazel makes the worst mistake any man in a relationship can make, he tells Primrose he loves her. He might as well pack up his balls and put them on her bureau he won’t need them anymore.
Then we just sort of have a musical interlude set to the song Thank You Stars showing scenes of Hazel and Primrose doing stuff. Not always romantic stuff either, sometimes they are just standing around and one scene is Hazel trying to hold Primrose’s hand, um paw, I guess, and Campion is a huge chockablock and separates them. There are also several scenes from episodes that haven’t happened since really, they haven‘t shared a lot of screen time yet.
Thank You Stars is sung by English singer lady Katie Melua depicted above as Charlie Chaplin. I had to look around for awhile for a picture of her until I found one that makes her look retarded. I don’t know anything about her except that there is no way her Wikipedia page is accurate. According to Wikipedia she had a feud with cosmologist Simon Singh over inaccuracies in a song she sang regarding the size and age of the universe and holds the Guinness world record for playing the deepest underwater concert ever. Who is she Jabberjaw?
The show realizes that the musical interlude is trying my patients so it decides to focus on something more interesting, the weasel attack. The rabbits have all kinds of booby traps set up in their warren one of which is making the weasel land balls first on hedgehogs. God damn.
Suffering from major ball trauma the weasel high tails it out of there. He promises to wait for the rabbits to leave, but the bunnies have brought food into the warren and gotten the prey species to leave the area so they are confident they can starve out the weasel.
At one point Bigwig refers to the weasel as “My old son” because he is drunk.
A couple of minutes later the weasel finds Fiver hiding under the rock. Oh my!
Redstone warren is under a bunch of grey rocks. Half of the name is accurate. Primrose calls out the names of her old friends but they are all dead. Hazel sniffs around and comes to the conclusion that nobody has been in Redstone for seasons. About one second later Captain Broom comes out. He’s the last surviving member of Redstone. Hey Hazel, how about there have been people there in seasons, that dude.
Captain Broom explains that a great sickness killed everybody but him. He was just driven insane by watching everybody die. He then wanders around talking as if the old inhabitance are there but they are either figments of his imagination or invisible.
Primrose is sad because the only thing keeping her alive was the thought or returning to Redstone and now they are all dead. Hazel tries comforting her by saying their spirits lived on because she needed them but now she has him. Like Hazel is worth anything.
Captain Broom walks by wondering were everybody left. That’s right, they were literally spirits that lived on because Primrose needed them. Except she couldn’t see them, Captain Broom could. It is entirely possible Broom was listening in on their conversation and only pretended to see dead people because he wanted to fuck with them. Much like the time Hazel went to Cowslip’s warren the people they were looking for are all dead, but one addition rabbit is coming to Watership Down so overall it can be counted as a gain.
The weasel is trying to get at Fiver but Bigwig and some other rabbits appear out of nowhere, leap at him, and the scene ends. Seriously, that’s it? Like no conclusion at all? No scene with them fighting the weasel, or at least driving him away? If it was that easy why didn’t they just fight him before making all the elaborate traps? I mean sure the image of Bigwig leaping at him is intense, but there should be some kind of conclusion.
Primrose introduces Blackberry to Captain Broom. Captain Broom goes of on a short tangent and then touches her boobs. He isn’t really senile, he just pretends to be to sexually harass women.
Fiver is still trapped in a closet and won’t leave no matter what Bigwig, Dandelion, or the extras who aren‘t allowed to talk say. Hazel tries convincing Fiver that he sees the future and doesn’t cause destruction to rain down upon his friends. How often do you think that conversation has happened in the history of the world?
Hazel points out that Fiver saw a vision about Redstone being abandoned, and it was, so he must be seeing the future not killing people. Fiver accepts this explanation because the episode is almost over and they can’t end it with him living in a hole. Well technically Watership Down is a hole, but it’s larger than the this one.
The episode ends with Hazel saying he wants to hear about the weasel and that he has a story to tell all of them… he’s going to be a father. Wait, what? He is? When did that happen? I guess the show didn’t depict what happened on his journey home, so yeah. Hazel got his pipes cleaned and now he’s going to tell all the bros about it, that’s the vision.
Thank U Star’s Rating and My Rebuttal
One of the best scenes was where Primrose and Hazel are trying to cross the canal. The action with Primrose battling to keep afloat, whilst Hazel encourages her by reminding her of Redstone, certainly kept me on the edge of the seat. Of course, this scene did have me wondering whether I should consider seeing a psychiatrist. When Primrose fell in that water, I suddenly found myself chanting ‘drown, drown, drown’, which I’m sure cant be that healthy!
If I only print this part of his review I make Thank U Stars look like a lunatic.
In reality he praised the character development of Primrose and gave the episode 4 stars. I would criticize his irrational anger towards a cartoon character, but in my reviews I tend to swear a lot and talk about the rabbits having sex, so who am I to judge? If anything I’m more of a monster than he is!
Rating: 25 Johnny Dangerous Fun Points®